— listlessResearcher [LR] began pestering contentedSatirist [CS]  —

LR: So I was going around fighting some imps last night and suddenly they got a lot stronger…

CS: Oh yea? How’d that work out for you, doc?

LR: Turns out they’re zombies now…

LR: What the fuck…

CS: How the fuck does that even happen?

LR: I don’t know, apparently SOMEONE prototyped zombie flesh…

LR: Which is SOOOO easy to get…

CS: Oh wait, so prototyping the sprites affects the little black bastards?

CS: Err, the imps. I ain’t racist.

LR: So it was you…

CS: Huh, I made zombie imps.

CS: Freaking sweet.

LR: WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU GET ZOMBIE FLESH

CS: ….

CS: eBay…

LR: Fucking ebay……

CS: I know, right?

CS: How fantastic is it?

LR: Not fantastic…

CS: You’re right. Amazing.

LR: The opposite of fantastic…

CS: As for the imps, remember doc, you gotta shoot em in the head!

LR: I know how to deal with zombies………

CS: Romero would be proud.

LR: Not really, I’ve fought them before…

CS: I’ll be honest, I thought for the longest time that, that sample was fake.

CS: Go figure it’s real, eh?

LR: Yeah go figure…

CS: I have a dragon scale around here too, maybe I should give it to Lily and she can prototype that…

LR: Like hell…

CS: Heheheh, nah I’m just fucking with you, doc.

CS: Hey, since you’re on the line- you wanna help me out a bit?

LR: What is it?

CS: Okay for one, this fucking sprite keeps following me around, gargling and hacking at me.

CS: It’s like it wants something. Frankly, it’s annoying as balls.

LR: Put something else in it…

CS: Huh? Prototype it again?

CS: Won’t that make the imps stronger?

LR: Not once you enter…

LR: That’s why I put Bright in my sprite…

CS: Huh- so I can just throw anything in there and then it’ll just leave me the fuck alone?

LR: It’ll start talking…

CS: FANTASTIC.

CS: Fuck…

CS: It better have something good to say or else imma getchu. Uhm okay another thing-

CS: Will the cruxthingy keep giving out totems?

LR: Yep…

CS: So I can just keep making copies of my items?

LR: Yep…

CS: Well that’s a bit useless.

CS: Whatever-an extra pizza cutter is always good.

CS: One last thing, dude.

LR: Yes?

CS: AM I ON ACID?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY IS THE LAND FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT?

LR: No idea, it must be your land…

CS: What the fuck doe that mean?!

LR: Each person’s land is different…

CS: …

CS: Great, mine is an acid land. Ugh, fuck it I’m not leaving my house.

LR: You better…

CS: We’ll take about this later, I got some grist to collect.

LR: Fine…

LR: Look out for lasers…

CS: Lasers, what?

CS: —-

— contentedSatirist [CS] lost connection with listlessResearcher [LR] —

CS:….

CS: Fuck my hot luck….

— alteriorMotive [AM] began pestering contentedSatirist [CS] at 21:26 —

AM: ()k

AM: S()

CS: Fucks sake Vilvia, what’s the word?

AM: ()n sec()nd

— alteriorMotive [AM] lifts one of the counters from the kitchen. —

 AM: ()h!

CS: Holy shit…

 AM: That was an accident…

CS: Yea- uh put that back.

— alteriorMotive [AM] drops the counter in its place —

 CS: Okay, good, good.

AM: umm..
 
CS: Well?

AM: I think i can make the r()()m bigger.

CS: You can move shit, fana- wait what?

— alteriorMotive [AM] clicks and drags the room out 5 feet. suddenly the room is bigger. —

 CS: Shit-fuck.
CS: Warn me next time, man.

 AM: ahh
 AM: and then theres this thingy here…

CS: What?

 AM: the game says it’s free…

 CS: Well shit-
 CS: Bring it out.

— alteriorMotive [AM] clicks and drops the Alchemiter in the spot that she cleared, making sure the control panelly part was accessible to Eric. —

CS: …
CS: Well fuck.

AM: ()k..
AM: y()u have r()()f acccess ()r a way t() get ()utside?

CS: Oh yea-
CS: Why?

AM: I think y()ur r()()m is tiny.
AM: y()u need m()re space… s()..

CS: Fuck whatever-

— alteriorMotive [AM] wonder if he could hear the noises from the roof —

CS: Jesus dick.

 AM: ()k
AM: y()u n()w have a Cruxtruder.

— contentedSatirist [CS] runs outside, and around to the side of the large complex building and begins ascending the old black worn out ladder —

CS: What the fuck is a cruckstruder?
 
AM: idk.

CS: Whatever-
— contentedSatirist [CS] pulls himself up to the roof and- okay —

AM: l()()ks like a.. s()mething… like a c()ntainer.
AM: …

CS: Uh huh.

 AM: hmm

CS: Hold on.
CS: Let me try turning this shit-

AM: I think i like ()ur chances ()n the r()()f.
AM: i’m g()nna m()ve y()ur stuff up here.

— contentedSatirist [CS] grabs onto the valve and attempts to wrench it open —
CS: Not all of it.

— alteriorMotive [AM] moves the Alchemiter, fridge, a counter, and the computer. —
 
CS: Why would you bring the fridge up here?!

AM: It l()()ked imp()rtant.

CS: Whatever-
CS: Jesus dick, this thing is stuck…

 AM: and the last ()ne…

 CS: Hey, Vilvia?

— alteriorMotive [AM] delpoyse the Totem lathe —
[09:43] AM: yeah?
— contentedSatirist [CS] steadies himself as the roof shakes —
CS: Je- fuck. Can ‘you’ open this thing?

AM: ummm…
— alteriorMotive [AM] lifts a car off of the street, and drops it on the Cruxtruder. the car comically bounces off and the top of the cruxtuder opens up —

CS: …!
CS: Dude!
— contentedSatirist [CS] looks down to the street —

— alteriorMotive [AM] made the car is a smoking heap —

CS: That was someones ride!
CS: You can’t just take peoples shit from the street!

AM: Ride?
AM: It’s an ()penly availible res()urce.
AM: If they cared that much, they’d l()ck it up m()r scurely.

CS: Well sorry if not everyone is prepared for a giant fucking god cursor to come down and snatch their car!
CS: Fuck how am I going to replace that?
CS: …

AM: Idk
 
— contentedSatirist [CS] looks over —
CS: Uh, Vilvia?
 CS: What’s with the ball of light dancing around like it just it’s in a beyonce music video?

AM: Bey()nce?

CS: That isn’t the point, numbnuts.
CS: What’s with the thingus?

AM: Idk…

CS: You’re helpful.

AM: thr()w s()mething at it
 
— contentedSatirist [CS] inconspicuously uncaptchas a pencil and tosses that shit at the ball of light orgasm —

— it dodges. —

CS: Well.
CS: Okay then.
— contentedSatirist [CS] dashes over to the ball of light- attempting to poke it. —
CS: It doesn’t feel hot.

AM: be careful ()f it.

— contentedSatirist [CS] tries to poke it. —

— alteriorMotive [AM] it dodges about. —

CS: …
— contentedSatirist [CS] poke poke poke poke pokes —
CS: Fuck you!
CS: Stupid ball thing!

AM: hey try that crank again. p()king this damn thing isn’t getting us any were

 CS: Buh, whatever,
— contentedSatirist [CS] waves at the light and goes back to the crank, it easily turns now. —

— Timer at 7:34 —

 CS: Timer?
 CS: Theres a timer?
 CS: For what?

AM: idk

CS: Fuck you’re useless.
— contentedSatirist [CS] keeps turning the crank —
CS: Is this supposed to do anything?

AM: maybe we get a prize ()r s()mething if we figure shit ()ut bef()re time.
 
CS: Whatever, I don’t want to find out.
CS: And this crank is doing nothing…

— alteriorMotive [AM] a Light blue crystal thingy finnaly pops out. —

— contentedSatirist [CS] catches it —
 CS: …
 CS: Okay, I got me a totem crystal thingus.

 AM: t()tem? put it ()n the lathe..
 AM: wait a minute…

 CS: What?

AM: ()()ps here take this.

CS: What?

— alteriorMotive [AM] plops down a card with  —

— contentedSatirist [CS] picks up the card —
CS: What’s with the pokemon card, dude?

AM: umm.

AM: l()()ks like it might g() in the sl()t

CS: …
CS: Slot?
CS: What?

 AM: ()n the lathe

 CS: Oh.
— contentedSatirist [CS] rushes over to the lathe and inserts the card —
CS: Alright. That is there.

AM: and then the t()tem ()n the lathe…

CS: Alrighty.

 AM: …

— contentedSatirist [CS] runs over to pick up the totem when the meteors finally became apparent, and by apparent- I mean the crashed through his fucking roof and through two flights. Nothing was taken out though. —

CS: SHIT!

 AM: ()h my

CS: WHY THE FUCK?!

AM: IDK

— Timer at 6:30 —

— contentedSatirist [CS] runs over to the hole in the roof, staring down it worried —
 CS: DUDE.
 CS: A FUCKING MET-
— contentedSatirist [CS] stumbles as more meteors started crashing down. —
CS: JESUS FUCK.

AM: my my.

AM: shit is g()ing d()wn
 
CS: YEA NO FUCKING SHIT , SHIT IS GOING DOWN.
 
— timer 6:15 —

CS: Shit shit shit shit.
— contentedSatirist [CS] gets the fuck down that ladder, and runs back into his loft —
 CS: …!
— alteriorMotive [AM] Alchemiter is on the roof… —
 CS: Okay everything seems to be intact-
CS: …
CS: Fuck something is burning!
 
AM: here umm

 CS: What?!
— alteriorMotive [AM] drops the sink on the burning thing —
 CS: What was that noise?

AM: um
 AM: me puting ()ut the fire?

— contentedSatirist [CS] runs into his bedroom, it’s total’d the meteor left a huge crater in the middle of the room —
CS: JESUS DICK.
 CS: MY ROOM.

— contentedSatirist [CS] looks over to his night table, the only thing that survived. —

— contentedSatirist [CS] he frowns and opens up the bottom drawer, pulling out a jar with…. and hand in it. A fucking severed hand. He’d examine the jar feverishly. —
CS: No cracks!
CS: HA!
— alteriorMotive [AM] fixes the holes with grist. —
CS: SUCK IT METEOR!
— contentedSatirist [CS] captchas the STRANGE ITEM —

— Timer 5:10 —

CS: Okay, my room is still on fire!
CS: We need water!

— alteriorMotive [AM] made the sink pipe spewing water everywhere —

— contentedSatirist [CS] runs off to the washroom- to find the sink…. oh god —
CS: What did you do?! JESUS DICK.

AM: dr()pped the sink ()n the c()unter.
AM: i als() hid y()ur pr()n()graphic c()ntainers

CS: Dude what?
CS: Oh m- gah!
— contentedSatirist [CS] looks in the washing machine- —
CS: Why are there buckets in my washing machine?
CS: What is wrong with this picture?

AM: They need t() be hidden.

CS: They’re buck- agh whatever.

AM: ()r are y()u that big ()f a pervert?

— contentedSatirist [CS] pulls the fire extinguisher off the wall and goes to deal with the fire. —
CS: Dick sakes.
— contentedSatirist [CS] sprays the meteor for good measure —
CS: Fuck damn.
CS: Okay. Eric, calm your shit.

— Timer 4:13 —

— contentedSatirist [CS] takes a deep breath one last time, looking around before heading up to the roof. —

CS: I’ll deal with this shit, you clean my place up-

AM: ()k t()tem g()t carved

— contentedSatirist [CS] paps away the light thingy, or tries to… fuck —
CS: This thing is annoying.

AM: try hitting it with s()mething again.

— contentedSatirist [CS] tries to pap it away with a paintbrush- fuck off… —
— contentedSatirist [CS] grumbles and goes over to the totem, and puts it on the lathe —
CS: Okay, cool.

 AM: I’m searching the internet, n() bl()gs, guides ()r anything.

— contentedSatirist [CS] hits a few switches and waits…. finally he pulls off a CARVED TOTEM, and examines the machine —
CS: Well that worked, ha.
CS: Thank you, shop-class.
CS: …
— contentedSatirist [CS] pulls the card back out and examines it further —

AM: D()es this game even exist?

CS: Well no shit it does….hm….

CS: Hey! Idea!

AM: ()h?

— contentedSatirist [CS] slips the card of his SHITTY MASTERPIECE into the lathe and runs back over to the cruxtruder —
— contentedSatirist [CS] attempts to turn the valve —

— alteriorMotive [AM] nothing happens —

 CS: BITCH TITS….

AM: ERR
AM: maybe we sh()uld’ve th()ught ab()ut that.

— Timer 2:45 —

 CS: Whatever, whatever we’ll deal with that in a seco- FUCK DAMNIT THIS STUPID LIGHT PIECE OF SHIT.
— contentedSatirist [CS] tosses the STRANGE ITEM which turns out to be a SOLANUM SAMPLE at the light ball in a rage. He’d gasp immediately- —
 CS: OH SHIT, MY SAMPLE!
— contentedSatirist [CS] watches as the jar flies into the ball of light… hello zombieSprite. —

CS: …!

 AM: That thing… it’s kinda gr()ss

CS: That thing… is freaking sweet.

— Timer 2:20 —

 CS: ….
— contentedSatirist [CS] watches as the sprite follows closely, not too close. Though it followed, gargling and choking. —

 AM: that timer is running l()w…

 CS: Okay then… This is slightly less annoying…
 CS: Uh- oh right!
— contentedSatirist [CS] dashes over to the totem and picks it up —

 AM: ()h! a new guide has been p()sted

 CS: I gotta be honest… this thing looks like Gods buttplug…

 AM: ummm.
AM: ()h!
AM: Put it ()n the little plat f()rm ()n the Alchemiter

 CS: Huh-oh.
— contentedSatirist [CS] runs over to the alchemiter and places it gingerly onto the platform —

— timer 1:30 —

 CS: Now what?… Button?

— alteriorMotive [AM] watches as the machine whirs to life, —

 CS: …
 CS: Okay then…
— contentedSatirist [CS] watches as a small blue crystalline picture frame materializes… —
 CS: …
 CS: Picture frame?

 CS: We went through all of that for a picture frame?
— alteriorMotive [AM] timer 0:50 —
AM: What d() y()u d() t() a picture frame?

— contentedSatirist [CS] growls and stomps onto the platform, examining the frame as the meteors crowded… —
 CS: ….
 CS: Oh- oh god…
— contentedSatirist [CS] covers his mouth and tears up a bit —
 CS: Fucking, piece of-

— alteriorMotive [AM] timer 0:30 —

— contentedSatirist [CS] closes his eyes and drops the frame…. staring down at it. —

— alteriorMotive [AM] timer 0:20 —

— contentedSatirist [CS] growls and his breathe goes heavy, he turns away from the frame and looks up to see oncoming doom, that is by far the biggest meteor he had ever seen…. And he’s seen Armageddon . —
 CS: ….

— alteriorMotive [AM] timer 0:10 —

 AM: 9
 AM: 8
 AM: 7

— contentedSatirist [CS] huffs and tears up —

 AM: 6
 AM: 5
 AM: what are y()u d()ing?!
 AM: 3!

— contentedSatirist [CS] turns quickly and STOMPS ON THE FRAME, shattering the glass and tearing through the frame —

AM: 2

— contentedSatirist [CS] is in the medium —

 AM: Brilliant

— contentedSatirist [CS] holds his head, crying silently on his knees as the zombieSprite floats around him. —

 AM: Hey.

 AM: hey, y()u’re alive.

 CS: ….

 AM: ()r we’re b()th dead and ir()nicly in the same time space.

— contentedSatirist [CS] takes a deep breath and pulls himself up —
 CS: Fucking….
 CS: Ugh….
— contentedSatirist [CS] wipes his tears and turns back- looking at the ground… the roof anyway. —
 CS: You never saw me cry, got it?

 AM: ()kay

CS: Thanks…

 AM: y()u ()k?

— contentedSatirist [CS] sniffs a little —
 CS: Yea, that was just….
 CS: Ugh…
— contentedSatirist [CS] glances over to the zombieSprite… oh god, what’s happening now? What else could possibly happen? —

Hey guys, remember when I didn’t suck at this?…. Yea, me neither.